By now, most of you in San Francisco have heard of the big steaming bowl of “holy shit” stew in which Supervisor Ed Jew currently sits. For those of you new to the story, here’s a timeline:
UPDATE: This picture of Ed Jew is somewhat unrelated to the subject at hand, but is really damn funny - especially for any of you who like LOL Cats (which I do!). Okay - back to the story:August 11, 2006: Jew registers with the SF Elections Department declaring his intent to run for District 4 Supervisor and lists his residence as 2450 28th Ave – located in District 4. Section 13.110 of the SF Charter requires one to be a resident for 30 days before registering, meaning he would have had to live at this location since July 12, 2006.
September 11, 2006: According to Public Utilities Commission records, water service begins at 2450 28th Ave.
November 7, 2006: Jew gets elected; SF voters pass Proposition G, which requires formula retail use stores to get a conditional use authorization from the Planning Commission before opening in any Neighborhood Commercial District where formula retail use is currently permitted. Whatever the hell that means.
Mid-March: Zoning Administrator Larry Badiner and Planning Director Dean Macris pay a customary visit to Jew to talk about issues in District 4. For reasons not entirely clear, Jew tells them about the Battle of the Boba taking place between Quickly and (presumably, because it is the only other Boba joint in the District) Wonderful Dessert Cafe; in a seemingly Mafioso move, Bidner and Macris say they will look into whether these establishments have their permits straightened out in accordance with the new requirements of Proposition G.
Sometime After the Aforementioned Meeting: Letters go out to 6 Quickly stores telling them that there is a problem with their permits. And if they don’t fix it, the days of selling Boba are ovah.
After Receiving the Letters: Someone approaches someone (Jew says Quickly asked him out first, a Quickly employee says he totally came on to them first) about getting the building permit thing straightened out; Jew suggests the Quickly folks retain Robert Chan, some Junior Varsity political consultant who is not even registered with the City.
Friday, May 4, 2007: In a move that makes it clear that political consulting is the second-highest paying gig in the City - next to selling Boba – folks from Quickly give Jew a bag with 40k in case inside. According to Jew, 20k was to pay the consultant and the other 20k was simply unsolicited extra money for the charity recipient of Jew’s choosing - the 28th Ave. playground. Bless their hearts!
Friday, May 18, 2007: The FBI raids Jew’s office at City Hall looking for the 40k in cash or other interesting items. No word on whether they found the free Boba dispenser or the dartboard with Chris Daly’s pic on it. The FBI also searches Jew’s flower shop in Chinatown where they found 20k from the Quickly guys in a safe. (Where it was working hard for the 28th Ave. playground.) Finally, the FBI searches Jew’s claimed residence in District 4 and the house in Burlingame where his wife and child live. (Ahem. Whatever.) Neighbors at both the Burlingame and District 4 home ask, "Ed who?" Within hours, there are questions about whether Jew meets the Supervisor residency requirement.
Sunday, May 20, 2007: In a dizzying display of derangement, Jew tells CBS-5 reporter Joe Vasquez to meet at Jew's "home" at 28th Ave. so Jew can prove to Vasquez that Jew does in fact, live there. When Vasquez arrives, Jew suddenly claims that Mrs. Jew might not approve of Vasquez going inside because the house is messy. (If this is true, I am beginning to understand their little "arrangement.") Mr. and Mrs. Jew then walk into the house without inviting in Vasquez.
Monday, May 21, 2007: The City Attorney launches an investigation into whether Jew meets the legal residency requirement for being a Supervisor representing District 4. And whether there is legal grounds to kick someone off the Board of Supervisors for "just actin' really sketchy."
Wednesday, May 23, 2007: Jew leaves on a trip to China, because he "has been talking too much." Aides say this trip was planned weeks ago. When Jew had a safe full of cash to blow in China.
UPDATE:
Sometime before June 3, 2007: Jew writes a column for the June issue of the the Sunset Beacon in an effort to "to clear the air." And by "clear the air," he means "make irrelevant and contradictory statements" like: "we now live on 28th Avenue in a house owned by my father" [Yawn! Not the issue.], and "[the Burlingame home] serves as a gathering place for [his wife's] side of our family on weekends and holidays, but we don’t live there." [Wait. I thought your representative said that your wife and child DO live there!?] Jew also wrote that the reason he is being picked on is because he is such a badass.
Friday, June 1, 2007: Chan the Consultant donates $10k to the "Friends of Sunset Park" on Quickly's behalf and at Jew's direction.
Sunday, June 3, 2007: Jew returns from China. Begins pandering within hours of landing. Invites representatives from Chinese-only media to tour his "residence" but even with Jew's lips planted pleadingly on their asses, the newspaper Sing Tao reports that the 28th Ave. location is "sparsely decorated and furnished."
Monday, June 4, 2007: Jew files required papers with the SF Ethics Commission to declare the 10k donated by Chan to Friends of Sunset Park. Both the Friends of Sunset Park and the SF Ethics Commission treat the donation like it was handled by Andrew Speaker - politley saying "Hell to the No" and rejecting both the money and the filing.
Tuesday, June 5, 2007: Jew has this totally douchy exchange with Dan Noyes of ABC7:
Ed Jew: "I do reside there [at the 28th Ave. location], yes."
ABC7's Dan Noyes: "You do now, but did you at that point in time [when you registered]?"
Ed Jew: "I do reside there."
ABC7's Dan Noyes: "Now, but did you before, when you signed up to be a candidate?"
Ed Jew: "Again, I want to just basically say that I, we have a number of attorneys that are representing me and so forth like that."
Friday, June 8, 2007: Jew issues a statement that he has turned over the requested documents to the City Attorney. He claims that he moved into the 28th Ave. residence on July 1, 2006 (even though papers filed with the SF Department of Elections show him declaring his residence as 2450 28th Ave. as of February 28, 2006). Also, in a third version of the facts, Jew admits that he does, in fact, live in Burlingame, too. (Recap: First, just my wife and kid; Second, none of us; Third, all of us.)
For those of you more familiar with the facts of this case, test your skills using the following quiz:
1. When the Quickly reps showed up with the Bag O’ Cash, Jew's response was:
a. “I think this is wrong, please give it directly to the intended recipient.”
b. “I don’t know if it violates the law.”
c. “You guys are late, the guys from Wonderful Dessert Cafe keep calling and I may have to start playing ball with them.”
ANSWER: According to Jew, both A and B are correct. In an attempt to cover all the bases, he has alternately stated that he refused the money at first and directed the businessmen to take the money to Chan the Consultant (even tried to give them a receipt!) AND that he did not know what he was doing was wrong. Hm. So he initially said "no" even though he didn't think it was wrong? Sounds less like an elected official speaking about a serious allegation than a regrettable prom date.
2. When they arrived at the 2450 28th Ave. location, FBI agents did which of the following:
a. Took nothing.
b. Took a number of things.
c. Exclaimed “WTF?! This place is emptier than the President’s personal library! No way someone lives here!"
ANSWER: Either A and C or B and C, depending on who you ask. Thus far, the award for “Lamest Attempt to Explain Why Ed Jew’s 28th Ave. Neighbors Use His Perpetually Empty Driveway for Public Parking” goes to Jew’s aide Barbara Meskunas. She explained that, the fact that the FBI removed stuff from the 28th Ave. location means that there was stuff in there to begin with – which proves that Ed Jew lives there! (Good lord! Even the “my 106 year old father forgets to pay the utilities” excuse sounds more legitimate than this.) Thing is, even if Meskunas' explanation made sense (which it doesn’t) a neighbor who saw the FBI raid on the 28 Ave. location reported that nothing was taken from the house. Answer C is just my own conjecture. And since this is my blog, I'll conject if I want.
3. Where in the hell does Ed Jew actually live:
a. 2450 28th Ave. in District 4
b. 2116 Roosevelt Ave. in Burlingame
c. 118 Waverly Pl. in District 3 (the location of his flower shop)
ANSWER: C. Allow me to explain: let's set aside the fact that no one but Jew and his camp disputes the witness reports that he does not reside at 2450 28th Ave. Let's also set aside the fact that there are conflicting reports as to whether he lives at 2116 Roosevelt Ave. in Burlingame and focus on what Jew and his people are admitting. According to Jew, the reason it appears as if he is never around in District 4 is because he isn't. But not because he doesn't sleep there, because he gets up at 4 a.m. and gets home very, very late. According to Jew's aide Meskunas, "Small-business people spend more time at their businesses than they do at home — most people know that. Of course, people in government don't, because they're not as productive."
MeeYow!
But Jew is in government. As a full-time representative of District 4 (remember Proposition J?). So dammit - his business is at home in District 4. Did residents of District 4 really think they were electing someone who would spend all but the hours of midnight to 4 a.m. either in Chinatown or at City Hall? Is Jew really representing his district when his constituents in District 4 have to come to District 3, to bribe him?
Recently there was an article about how Jew is a real "San Francisco son" and I don't dispute those facts about his family history and education. But here is what I submit: in 1996 when District voting was re-introduced after having at-large elections for about 15 years, the measure was sold as a way to guarantee that your representative was from your ‘hood – having “walked in your shoes," "felt your pain" and generally had the same trouble getting a taxi as you. While we cannot mandate that Supes spend a particular amount of time in their district, it may be time to prohibit (or limit) Supes from working any other job while in office. When your own neighbors are likely to call the cops if they see you trying to get in to your own "home," are you really a "resident"?
Legally speaking, this issue of residence is a complicated one. And by "complicated" I mean that it should be obvious to an eleven-year-old so it was never defined by the Charter amendment that imposed the residence requirement. So now the City Attorney has to look to things like Section 349 of the California Elections Code and to caselaw to piece together the requirements that will guide his investigation. However, I think that the use of the California Code has its limits. It is neither referred to nor explicitly incorporated into the City Charter section on Elections where the district residency requirement is found. At the state level, at-large voting is not really an option, so there is no need to read a heightened accountability and visibility into the residency requirements when running for state office. That's not the case in SF. We have a choice and we choose to keep the district system so that our representatives are close to the ground; otherwise, we may as well go back to at-large voting. These considerations should also be part of the City Attorney's investigation and construction of the SF Charter.
At the end of the day, there may be a perfectly good explanation for all this. Maybe Jew is the unluckiest man ever. Perhaps the reason there was no water at the District 4 house is because he was just holding off on showering for good luck in the election. You know. Like how some athletes refuse to shave or wash their socks whilst on a winning streak. Only grosser and disturbinger.
Recently, Jew told ABC's Carolyn Tyler, "I think everything will be out in the open very soon." Y'all, I am positively giddy with anticipation.
-MG
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